I am who I am, not what I do.
Recently it occurred to me that I was putting a lot of effort into a job that I didn’t get any satisfaction out of. I tried to feel better about that by putting down in writing what I was worth and approached my boss to explain that I felt I needed to be appreciated more. I needed that appreciation in tangible terms: money.
While the extra money would still be welcome, I am somewhat thankful now that I was turned down. I thought I cared about the job and was happy to put all that time and effort into it but it was as easy as them saying ‘no’ for me to realise that, actually, the job doesn’t fulfill me. I realised then that I needed something in my life that could fulfill me. That was the moment I decided there was no two ways about it; I would be leaving everything I knew to see the world the next year.
Working in the finance sector can suck the life out of you. Surrounded by money and people who want money everyday is not pretty. There is no creativity, no joy in what I do. I know that may be an unrealistic expectation of all jobs but I would at least like to do something where I feel that I am doing something good and helping somebody in some way.
At the moment it is the planning and daydreaming about travelling which keeps me going. I am happy to put all my energy into this plan. The reason I am happy to do so is because I am hoping to find something along the way. I am hoping to find myself; a raison d‘être I suppose! If it doesn’t work, well, I’ll have to cross that bridge when I come to it! Meanwhile, I still have bills to pay and that is the only motivation I have that gets me into work everyday. I now see work as one of the sacrifices I have to make to reach my goal and I’m counting down the days …